--(Name) jade
(Assignment) practice college
essay
(Title) Famous Fifteen Minutes
(Assigned Length) 500 words
or less
(Question)
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Would this be an appropriate essay
to present when applying for a college?
Is the correct length for a regular
college essay?
What can I do to improve this essay?
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(Document)
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Famous Fifteen Minutes
I can feel the heat from the lights reflecting off my already sweaty face. Taking a swift glance at my watch, I wipe my palms on my jeans. It’s nine o’clock, show time. Nervously, I accept the microphone from the director and walk slowly to the middle of the stage. As I mentally prepare myself, I say a quick prayer asking God to help me. This is the biggest moment of my life. I am about to perform a live solo for the Friday morning Today Show in New York City. The ABC news station recently began to sponsor unknown artists such as myself. After an audition two weeks ago, my agent informed me that I had been chosen to sing the National Anthem on this particular Friday. The concert is free, however any donations will be given to the Red Cross.
I smile softly at my mom who sits next to the stage she blows me a kiss and winks. Ironically, she appears to be more nervous than me. “It’s okay, mommy.” I think as I send her an internal message “I know I can do this.” As I come closer to the center of the stage, I feel the butterflies die away and the old performer’s confidence grows steadily inside my stomach. “I know I can do this.” I repeat to myself. Faintly I hear the news anchor announce my name to the monstrous crowd. Again I smile, only this time to a legion of faces that I have never seen before. The anchor exits the stage. Now only the band and I remain.
“Hey everyone!!!” I announce excitedly into the microphone. “How is everybody doing this morning?” My response is enormous roar as a thousand people cheer loudly. “I’m glad you are here today.” I say again into the mic. “I’d like to remind you that this concert is free, however we encourage you to make even a small donation. All proceeds will be given to the Red Cross.” Cheers erupt once more and then die down as the band plays the first chord.
Raising the microphone to my lips, I begin The Star Spangled Banner. My voice quavers at first but gradually I grow stronger as the song climaxes. As my last note echoes and the band’s final chord fades away, I lower the microphone and take my bow. The noise from the crowd is deafening. I doubt I will ever stop smiling. The anchors return to the stage and begin to shake my hand congratulating me. Blindly, I nod my head and thank them. My knees are so weak I think I am going to collapse before I leave the stage.
When I
am finally released from the spotlight, I find my mom and fall
into her open arms. “Oh
sweetie!” she says, “You were wonderful.”
“Thanks, mommy.” I reply as I bury my head in her shoulder.
As we hug each other, I happen to glance at my watch for the second time
this morning. Nine fifteen, it reads. Shows over. Wow,
I
thought to myself, this was the
most amazing experience of my life, my fifteen minutes of fame.
--Hi jade:
The length of the piece is about right, and I think that it is very well written.
Whether it is appropriate for an application is more difficult to answer. What you have written is a personal narrative, closer to fiction writing than to essay writing. In general, if a student is interested in writing a narrative, I suggest something in-between: a "narrative essay." A narrative essay is dominated by a story that is told, but it also has elements of a traditional academic essay, notably a thesis.
With your essay, one might wonder
what the point is. It's a great story. But I would add those elements that
clearly place it in the realm of academic work.
Creed Greer, Ph.D.
Associate Program Director
Center for Written and Oral Communication
